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Fantasy Dinner with CKR Characters


 misreall  recently posted a version of the fantasy dinner game to her journal.  The one where you imagine who you'd invite to dinner, if it could be anyone in the world. 

Then I got the giggles and started imagining dinner with CKR characters.  I thought I'd bring it over here.  Come on in!  It's pretty in here.  Maybe you'll have something to add. 

mary_the_fan:

 

In my head right now is a Fantasy Dinner populated completely by CKR characters: Billy, Leoben, Mamet, Duck, Ed, Norman, Denny, Zero, Mike. You know why it's funny? NO ONE IS TALKING!

 

Oh, thank god, here comes Ray and Newbie.

 

misreall:

 

I could imagine Duck sort of looking around, trying to find someone to talk to, but failing. And everyone kind of edging away from Leoben, but not really knowing why.

 

Yeah, Ray will talk enough for everyone.

 

mary_the_fan:

 

Yeah, if they're lucky, Leoben will shut up and just look at Duck with the Face of Adoration.

 

Duck will feel very conflicted at this table. Once he's able to tune out the raw sex vibe coming from Billy's end, he'll be drawn to Mike, who is a beautiful, sweet, lonely guy. Just Duck's type. But Mike is emotionally healthy, and Duck can't ignore the tortured soul screaming on his wavelength from Mamet. In fact, Duck's gonna have to make time in his handyman schedule to follow Mamet around for awhile.

 

Zero comes in, walks once around the table, sneers at the stench of weakness, and leaves. He passes Newbie on his way out. Newbie whirls around and follows Zero, cause he knows an awesome TV character when he sees one.

 

Ray comes in and wants to know who's officionating this convention of mopes.

 

aunt_deen:

 

I'm resisting the urge to play the what-does-each-guy-order game because that will just become the monster that ate misreall's cool post.

 

But Duck would totally get the waffles.

 

mary_the_fan:

 

Ok, now you’ve done it:

 

Newbie:  Frooty-Os.  Canon Frooty-Os.

Ray:  Cheeseburger and fries.  And pie.  (Gotta love a fictional metabolism.)

Fic Ray:  A banana, a corndog and a popsicle.

Zero:  Live puppies.

Denny:  Cigarettes (Not so much eating as licking.)

Ed:  Beer.

Norman:  Vodka.  But it’s for you.

Laramie:  Nothing with milk in it.  He’s lactose-insane.
Lew Ashby:  Whiskey and a blow-job.

Leoben:  Just cuts everybody’s food for them.

Mike:  Whatever you serve him, he loves it.  It’s really good.  And you’re beautiful.


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Comments

( 34 comments — Leave a comment )
mary_the_fan
Oct. 7th, 2008 07:30 pm (UTC)
Handy Reference Guide for those who need it:

Ray: Due South
Newbie: Twitch City
Leoben: Battlestar Galactica
Denny: Whole New Thing
Mike: Bliss
Mamet: Men With Guns
Ed: Flower & Garnet
Laramie: Picture Claire
Norman: Unnatural and Accidental
Billy: Hard Core Logo
Zero: Tin Man
Duck: Wilby Wonderful
Lew Ashby: Californication

By typing that in less than a minute, I think I just earned some kind of fangirl merit badge.
ok_with_that
Oct. 7th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
Mike: Whatever you serve him, he loves it. It’s really good. And you’re beautiful.

Plus, you know, chances are good you won't have to worry about dishes... ;)




You really want a badge for being fast here? (I'm just sayin'... ;)
mary_the_fan
Oct. 8th, 2008 01:09 am (UTC)
No, I want a merit badge for knowing all of them off the top of my head, quickly, without looking them up... Lady, are you protesting my merit badge? Cause there will be paperwork, believe you me.
mary_the_fan
Oct. 7th, 2008 08:26 pm (UTC)

Ha! That's very true.

Plus: dinner and a show.
ok_with_that
Oct. 7th, 2008 08:45 pm (UTC)
I'm trying to imagine the guest list I'd have if I were to invite only those CKRs I've seen so far.

Billy, Leoben, Zero and Mike. Ray and Newbie would stop by for cocktails, but, since I've seen only moments of their work....

Ray would be called away early to a case, and Newbie, alternately surprised and depressed by my bad electronics karma in general and my current lack of reliable and as-extensive-as-usual cable in particular, would take the opportunity to leave with him?

Billy, Leoben, Zero and Mike.

Huh. :)
mary_the_fan
Oct. 7th, 2008 09:10 pm (UTC)
Well you just have to get Zero out of there. If he's unarmed, you might convince Ray to shoot him or beat him to death with his empty gun before he takes off.

But if it's all the same to you, I'd prefer that Ray didn't get too close to Zero. I love Ray too much.

Leoben will definitely be able to see the dank, rotting aura around Zero, so you won't even have to tell him what's up. He's scary-strong; just have him choke Zero to death or something.

Once that's done, you've got yourself a party. Billy, Leoben and Mike? Yeah, a very quiet party. Try to hang on to Newbie.
aunt_deen
Oct. 7th, 2008 09:19 pm (UTC)
Since Ray's the one I know best, I tend to think of each other guy I know interacting with him.

I'm trying to imagine the disconcerted fascination (with just a soupcon of hostility) on his face when he looked at Newbie.

And you know he'd be all up in Zero's face from the word go. Shake, bad guy, shake.

He and Billy would get along just fine. Very comfortable and easy with each other.

I think he'd really love Duck. Because in a weird way, I think Duck would remind him of Fraser. (Not sure I can explain that.)

Leoben (once Ray realized what the story was) would freak him right the fuck out. Think radiation-poisoning, handcuffed-with-his-head-in-a-bucket freaking out.
mary_the_fan
Oct. 8th, 2008 12:05 am (UTC)
Shake, bad guy, shake.

Ha. Exactly! Thanks for bringing that.

As long as he stayed out of Zero's reach as he said that, I'd be ok. (I'm irrationally protective of Ray. I know he can take care of himself...I can't help it.)

Yeah, I like Duck and Ray together (not that way, you pervs. Though, you know, if you wanna write it...). I like anyone with stillness and understanding against Ray.

That's why I actually like the idea of Leoben talking to Ray. Yes, I get the freak out, but...ok, my wank is that Leoben's shit is stuff that Ray would call crazy, and yet secretly believe. Cause...Leoben's all about the stream, and Ray is a surfer. You know? Instinct, quick reactions, feeling instead of thinking. I think Ray buys, on a subconscious level, what Leoben is selling.

Though he would absolutely call him a freak.

Ha. Leoben would probably feel right at home in a room full of guys who looked a lot like him. :-)
tomfoolery815
Oct. 8th, 2008 10:21 am (UTC)
Ha. Leoben would probably feel right at home in a room full of guys who looked a lot like him. :-)
And if you served the exact same meal the next time you invited him over, he'd have no objection whatsoever.

Billy would lean in to tell you a scandalous or gossipy story ... but the story would be abruptly halted if a nearby door opened.

If Lew decided he liked how a dish looked or smelled, he wouldn't ask you the dish's name before putting it to his lips.
misreall
Oct. 8th, 2008 11:38 am (UTC)
Ha. Leoben would probably feel right at home in a room full of guys who looked a lot like him. :-)

Yeah, but after a while, when he realized how different they are from him, HE would probably be the most freaked out of anyone there.

Fic Ray: A banana, a corndog and a popsicle.

HA! Fantastic. Don't forget the pickle, the breadsticks, and stick candy, cause he's always hungry.

mary_the_fan
Oct. 8th, 2008 11:55 am (UTC)
HA! Fantastic. Don't forget the pickle, the breadsticks, and stick candy, cause he's always hungry.

Heh. And I think one of those jumbo peppermint sticks for him.

Fic Billy laughs, and he and Fic Ray have a smirk and twinkle throw-down.
ext_114773
Oct. 8th, 2008 12:03 pm (UTC)
Here's my two bits!

Well, first off, Norman is NOT invited, nor are Mamet (can't be watching him and keeping him from getting trigger happy every second, especially as I'll be distracted by other Callum characters), Zero, or Laramie. Gary Jensen would be invited only long enough to show me a good time, but not long enough to hurt me. Then again, Lew Ashby could fulfill those needs, without all the misogyny, which is a big plus for Lew. Also, the Great Ashby is always game for some fun, so he'd be one of my first guests.

Newbie is adorable, but he reminds me of that caffeinated South Park character, who can never stay still, so I'd invite him, but sit him farther from me. Ed is kind of a depressive, so I'd sit him next to Leoben, to keep Leoben from preaching to me, since I only invited Leoben to my dinner to sit there and look pretty, dammit (unless he wants to paint, which I'm totally up for)! If he wants to preach, he can preach to Ed. In the meantime, I'll be entertaining Lew, Ray and Mike, who will have places of honor next to me, unless Leoben wants to paint, in which case I'll be painting. If Ray gives me an attitude (he has a mouth on him), I will send him to talk to Leoben.

-Diana
mary_the_fan
Oct. 8th, 2008 12:33 pm (UTC)
Hey, I usually don't do "reply" so you won't get an email. Check back here for comments. OR I could do replies only in your case, if that's a pain for you. I'm not sure you can "track" the post like LJ users can...Tracking sends you an email everytime anyone comments on the post.
mary_the_fan
Oct. 8th, 2008 12:29 pm (UTC)
Hi, Di! Diana, Everybody. Everybody, Diana. Diana and her friend have a very awesome little book/movie thing over on wordpress.com.

She and I have something in common: we are new-ish CKR fans who have climbed the learning curve in record time, if we do say so ourselves. This is a very bondy experience, like sharing a womb, or something less gross. Diana recently did a lovely post on Suspicious River for the_ckr_files. Everybody say Hi.

So, Di, I love your seating chart!

- Could we send Mamet out to the back yard and have him shoot at rocks or cans or something? Because I do love to watch him shoot a gun. Mostly.
- Ok, you're right, no Laramie, though I have a weird love/hate thing with him. (See my post on Canadian movies.)
- Definitely Lew. But no tablecloth. The slash characters might get excited and go off the menu.
- That's a good description of Newbie. I think he's so adorable. I'd turn on some music for him. :-)
- You're right, I think Leoben might do Ed a lot of good, to the extent that Ed understood wtf he was talking about. Maybe Mike could translate. He understands everybody.

...unless Leoben wants to paint, in which case I'll be painting.

Yes. :-)
ext_114773
Oct. 9th, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you kindly for the introduction!

-Could we send Mamet out to the back yard and have him shoot at rocks or cans or something? Because I do love to watch him shoot a gun. Mostly.

I do love watching Mamet; he is sooo fine! Seriously, it's one of the movies in which he looks his best.


-Definitely Lew. But no tablecloth. The slash characters might get excited and go off the menu.

Nuthin' wrong with a little slash at the party!


-That's a good description of Newbie. I think he's so adorable. I'd turn on some music for him. :-)

Newbie is incredibly adorable, I wuv him, which is why he's invited. He's also a total alien to me, since he's so unlike any human being I've ever met. But I love him anyway!


-You're right, I think Leoben might do Ed a lot of good, to the extent that Ed understood wtf he was talking about. Maybe Mike could translate. He understands everybody.

That's a great idea, having Mike translate! I think Ed needs some help and some cheering up, and Leoben and Mike are the two characters most likely to try to help. That being said, I think it would be amusing to see a conversation between Leoben and Ray, or Leoben and anybody.
green_grrl
Oct. 9th, 2008 01:47 am (UTC)
Hee! Hilarious! Ray can psych Zero out with a spoon lighter. ;-)
mary_the_fan
Oct. 9th, 2008 01:54 am (UTC)
HA! omg, spit-take. That image made me laugh so hard! :-D

Though I tend to want to wrap Ray in cotton, I do think it would be hilarious to let him off the chain. Could we tie Zero to the chair first? Just to be safe.

Thanks for coming over!
aunt_deen
Oct. 9th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC)
We can tie Zero to the chair for all kinds of reasons.

Hi, Di!
ext_114773
Oct. 9th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
Hello, aunt_deen!

We can tie Zero to the chair for all kinds of reasons.

My mind was completely in sync with that idea. Though I have to say, I would choose Leoben for the honors. Leoben looks most fetching when he's tied up and talking about rivers and streams.
mary_the_fan
Oct. 10th, 2008 01:33 am (UTC)
Nuthin' wrong with a little slash at the party!

Well ok, then.

Fic Ray and Duck are sitting side by side at the dinner table, chatting. "Personally, I find that there is really no injury that cannot be ignored when you're in the mood. You work around it. Be creative. Get him goin' real good...suddenly it's like 'what gunshot wound?' But that's me. ……You say the injury was confined to the neck area?"

Fic Billy meets Duck's eyes from across the table. Billy grins. Duck offers a shy smile in return. Fic Ray notices and throws a glare at Fic Billy. He stands up next to Duck. In one motion, he leans sharply across the table at Fic Billy and cocks his head. "Don't you have a goat sacrifice you need to get to?"

Fic Billy gives Fic Ray a lazy smile. “No, thank you. I’m enjoying the party.” Fic Ray straightens up. He presses his lips together and looks down. Suddenly he turns to Duck and gives him a big smile. “As I was saying.” Fic Ray dives under the tablecloth in front of Duck. Duck expression changes from...well, it doesn't change at all, really. Lew grins and takes a huge gulp of whiskey.

Mamet smiles, then frowns, then smiles again as his silverware tower begins to take shape. Fic Billy looks across the table at Duck. He smiles slightly as Duck's face starts to flush a little. Fic Billy looks away from the table, his eyes clouding over. He looks back at Duck. Duck closes his eyes and lets his head fall back. Billy scowls. He gets up and starts pacing around, rubbing the back of his neck.

Leoben senses his distress. He walks up to Fic Billy and leans into his ear. "All these blowjobs have happened before, and all of them will happen again." Fic Billy whips his head up suddenly and bares his teeth at Leoben. “Fuck you and the swirly vortex you rode in on.”

Leoben grabs Fic Billy by the throat and drags him across the room, pinning him to the wall with one hand. Lew looks up at the scene, mildly boggled. Mamet's hand slips and his sliverware scuplture clatters to the table. His eyes fill with tears. He takes a gun out of his pocket and rubs the barrel, humming softly. Against the wall, Fic Billy gasps for breath. He reaches down his pants, but Leoben stops him. "No. Not like this."

Newbie runs at them, takes a flying leap, and tackles Leoben. The three of them tumble to the floor in a tangle of legs and arms and awesomely patterned shirts and very good hair indeed. Newbie stands up, lifting Leoben off the ground by his shoulders.

"Look, maybe when this is all over we can go out and have a cup of coffee and you can explain to me exactly what a special destiny is, but until then, just do as I say. Capiche?” He releases one shoulder and points at Fic Billy. “This is Billy Tallent, star of Bruce McDonald’s documentary Hard Core Logo, the third in McDonald’s acclaimed road trilogy I’m sure you’ve heard of it.” Newbie looks at Fic Billy and points to Leoben. “THIS is Leoben Conoy, one of the cylons in Battlestar Galactica, the new one, not the 70s version starring Mr. Lorne Greene. You are both what I would call cult icons, and you are both extremely attractive gentlemen and I think you should reconsider what a win-win scenario would look like at this juncture. Now….GO!” Newbie pushes Fic Billy and Leoben into a broom closet and shuts the door.

Newbie lets out a deep breath and walks over to sit down at the table next to Mike. Newbie: “Are you gonna eat that?” Mike, “Nope. Can’t remember why I even ordered it.” Newbie: “Thanks, Man.” Mike looks at Newbie. “Have you ever done something that you hadn’t completely thought through?” Newbie stops chewing, his eyes wide.
aunt_deen
Oct. 10th, 2008 04:18 am (UTC)
I knew it! I knew it!

Fic Ray notices and throws a glare at Fic Billy. He stands up next to Duck. In one motion, he leans sharply across the table at Fic Billy and cocks his head. "Don't you have a goat sacrifice you need to get to?"

The characters just start talking in your head and you idly start to type and ... yep, that's how it starts.

Welcome. The water is deep, warm, and has lots of treacherous undertows. You'll love it.
(no subject) - tuesday_suit - Oct. 10th, 2008 11:22 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mary_the_fan - Oct. 10th, 2008 11:57 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tuesday_suit - Oct. 10th, 2008 12:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mary_the_fan - Oct. 10th, 2008 12:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tuesday_suit - Oct. 10th, 2008 12:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ext_114773 - Oct. 11th, 2008 11:30 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mary_the_fan - Oct. 11th, 2008 11:42 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mary_the_fan - Oct. 10th, 2008 10:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ext_114773 - Oct. 11th, 2008 11:34 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mary_the_fan - Oct. 11th, 2008 11:45 am (UTC) - Expand
misreall
Oct. 10th, 2008 10:50 am (UTC)
"All these blowjobs have happened before, and all of them will happen again."

That just might be the neatest encapsulation of slash I have ever read!
mary_the_fan
Oct. 10th, 2008 11:02 am (UTC)
Well, you know, Leoben understands that slash is eternal and unending. We can't stop the slash, we just have to let it flow through us.
(no subject) - ext_114773 - Oct. 11th, 2008 11:31 am (UTC) - Expand
( 34 comments — Leave a comment )